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Friday, 5 December 2008

Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

It can be a crazy time of year and a tad frantic at times, so it was timely when someone at work sent me a version of the following:

Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity


1. At lunch-time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair-dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Stand at the bottom of a tall building, point up and shout, 'Don't jump!'

4. Put your paper bin on your desk and label it 'IN.'

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has got over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your bank debits, write 'For Smuggling Diamonds.'

7. Finish all your sentences with: 'In accordance with the prophecy.'

8 don't use any punctuation or capital letters

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Whenever you go out to eat, order a Diet Water.

11. Sing along at the opera.

12. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme?

13. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.

15. Invent a wrestling name for yourself and insist that your co-workers address you by this. (What name would you choose? I'll stick with
The Burmanator.)

16. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream: 'I Won! I Won!'

17. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the car park, yelling: 'Run for your lives, they're loose!!'

18. Tell your children over dinner: 'Due to the economy, we're going to have to let one of you go.'

19. Think of an appropriately inappropriate idea for Number 14 and post it as a comment along with your wrestling name.

20. Smile whenever you have no reason to.

9 comments:

The Phantom Turdey said...

send your memos every fourth word missed people will be really off

The Burmanator said...

nice one phantom and one i'll next time i a memo or to see what of response i

gary davison said...

Number 8 - i've already done away with capitals and i'd be doing myself a favour with no punctuation!

I'm going for Giant Davistacks - grrrrrr, and my 14 would be, put cling film over the toilet seat at work and take the bulb out and put a trip wire up for when the girls come racing out screaming:)

The Burmanator said...

aha the cling trick id forgotten that its always good a laugh and would declare that did this practical was certifiably insane finding it difficult miss every fourth and lose punctuation giant davistacks

Swubird said...

Paul:

I love all the helpful hints. But if you sit in your car and point your hairdryer at passing cars over here - you'll get carted off to Guantanamo Bay!

Merry Christmas.

Paul said...

Hmm. Five years at Guantanamo Bay for pointing a hair-dryer? Think I might stick with pointing a hair straightener instead.

Good to see you back, Swubird. Hope you had an enjoyable holiday.

Kellie said...

my 14 would be:
buy goldfish and ask the salesman if they come with chips.

and there's a few on that list they i have done or still do from time to time, like number 9. skipping is fun!

and i can't think of a good wrestling name, but if i do, i'll let you know!

Jon Haylett said...

14 When walking down a street, never tread on a straight line. Some lines are visible - the join between two paving stones - but there are loads of invisible ones: a line formed by joining two posts and continuing it infinitely along the ground in both directions, the line formed by a fence, the continuation of the edge of a building or pavement. Cars are a problem: the four points where their tyres touch the road create no less than six lines.

The Paranoid Bull

The Burmanator said...

Kellie: Asking for chips is a great idea. You might also ask for tartare sauce. Wonder if the salesman would ring RSPCA!

The Paranoid Bull -- that's a great wrestling name, guaranteed to strike fear into any opponent before they enter the (bull)ring. And paranoia would be an understandable result of spending too much time trying to work out where all those lines might be. I like it.